Q&A Are My Questions Unfair?

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Question: 

Dear Rick, Are there any unfair questions in the recovery process? I have given up on knowing why the affairs happened. My husband says he can't come up with an answer. But I want to know what he told himself that allowed them to continue. I have asked him to explain to me how he allowed himself to abandon his morals and values to allow this behavior to become his normal. He says he does not know. So I asked what dialog went on in his mind to justify his behavior to himself. Again he does not know, or that is his answer. I feel as though I deserve some sort of answer because I am so afraid if he was so self-deceived 3 times that it is just a short walk back to that place. He does just a little recovery work but then stops. I have explained time and time again how unsafe, dishonored, and disrespected this makes me feel. We will have an intense discussion about his lack of work and he will do a few things, but within 2-3 days he is back to ignoring the books, emails, and other recovery material. He said me demanding answers to these sorts of questions is unfair and that he has done enough work to know that he will never betray me again. But it does not feel that way to me. We have done EMSO and some private counseling. But he has yet to complete reading even one full book (Not just friends, after the affair, etc.) says he does not think he needs any of the other online courses. I ask him to listen to the blogs or read the questions and answers here. But he rarely complies with my request. We are 17 months out from D-day and about 12 months into actual recovery work. Am I being too difficult?

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