Q&A Are there any Markers for Knowing Whether a Betrayed Spouse can Heal?

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You have a number of markers you seem to give regarding whether an unfaithful spouse is likely to be a safe partner going forward, such as do they grieve and take responsibility, and are they repentant. My wife has done these and other tips you advise about being an accountable partner. My question is about the betrayed spouse: We have done couples and individual therapy and EMS Online, and I am still quite affected by the affair. I am concerned that I will be one of those people who is not able to move past it to a greater intimacy, or even into anything close to a healthy relationship. (Our initial D-day was 18 months ago, though the full truth did not come out until a few weeks ago). I'd like to keep our family intact, but don't want to drag this pain out if the end result will still be either divorce or me staying but with the affair still affecting me daily. Do you have any markers for indicating a betrayed spouse who isn't likely to be able to get past the hurt? Or questions to ask myself to guide me in discerning whether I am likely to be able to move past it?



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Hit the nail on the head! When the spouse is STILL omitting, and lying to your face, it feels nearly IMPOSSIBLE to move forward and you stay in a cycle of resentment. Would love next step advice for wayward spouse to "get it" and see how destructive the continued lying is to the relationship and it's ability to be repaired. The lying and new information that seeps out sets the betrayed spouse back and reinforces the notion that your mate cannot be trusted.

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