Q&A Can You Define What Respect Is from the Male Point of View and Why Males Want Respect from Our Spouses?

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Question: 

I am the wayward spouse and told my wife I just wanted to feel respected in our marriage and I never felt that way. To me respect was a sense of worthiness and admiration - that my wife looked up to me. The term respect came up and my wife got a little mad. She said I was no better than her and me demanding she respect me was not going to happen, and if I need that then she's gone. I see her point if she feels by respect that I want her to see me as more superior to her. However, that isn't what I want or mean. I want to feel I am worthy of her love and there is a sense of mutual admiration… that I'm good enough. Any insights would be appreciated.

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Is respect different for males and females?

As a betrayed spouse, it was hard for me to stomach my UH complaining about feeling like I had not been treating him with the respect and admiration he needed. He had the audacity to tell me this during the three month period of trickle truth during which he started out denying any infidelity, then admitted an emotional affair and finally confessed that it had been sexual, too. He disrespected me as his wife with every single secret contact he had with his AP over 8 1/2 months. Every text message and phone call, not to mention when they saw each other and the three occasions they had sex. To me, that added up to thousands of acts of disrespect, all while telling himself that HE felt disrespected. We both fell short on treating each other as we should have before his affair. I was willing to acknowledge my role in making him feel unappreciated—-up until I found out the extent of his betrayal and deception. Now—11 months later, I am just now starting to reach a point in my healing where I can revisit the marital issues that existed before he chose to lie and cheat, rather than address our issues together with honesty, maturity, and mutual respect.
Your wife is a human being. It is unfair to expect the respect from her that you were unwilling to give.

Is respect different for males and females?

As a betrayed spouse, it was hard for me to stomach my UH complaining about feeling like I had not been treating him with the respect and admiration he needed. He had the audacity to tell me this during the three month period of trickle truth during which he started out denying any infidelity, then admitted an emotional affair and finally confessed that it had been sexual, too. He disrespected me as his wife with every single secret contact he had with his AP over 8 1/2 months. Every text message and phone call, not to mention when they saw each other and the three occasions they had sex. To me, that added up to thousands of acts of disrespect, all while telling himself that HE felt disrespected. We both fell short on treating each other as we should have before his affair. I was willing to acknowledge my role in making him feel unappreciated—-up until I found out the extent of his betrayal and deception. Now—11 months later, I am just now starting to reach a point in my healing where I can revisit the marital issues that existed before he chose to lie and cheat, rather than address our issues together with honesty, maturity, and mutual respect.
Your wife is a human being. It is unfair to expect the respect from her that you were unwilling to give.