Q&A Can You Help Me Understand How My Husband Can Be Apathetic toward the Affair Partner?

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We are sixteen months post discovery of my husband's eight year emotional and physical affair with a coworker. He is also sixteen months sober. We have completed your individual courses and some marriage counseling. I’ve begun trauma therapy and will be doing EMDR. He broke it off two months after discovery and hid some texting for a couple of weeks then stopped contact. He transferred to another office seven months ago. The marriage is already better than ever. However, I have an intense amount of rage toward the affair partner, hence the trauma counseling. I knew her, she came in my house, had sex in my bed, used our Disney & Netflix accounts, and tried to steal my children's father for eight years. She has not apologized. I know that would be unusual, but it would have helped my healing. My husband is a cop and very aggressive but he won't say an ill word about her. I told him I wish I had been physically assaulted because then I could have fought back and then he would have my back. He says he does have my back; I don't feel it. It still feels like it's them against me. Can you please help me understand how a VERY aggressive man can not care one way or other about someone that caused our family so much harm and me to have PTSD?



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