Q&A Do We Have a Chance at Recovery If He Is Unable to Understand How Trauma Can Impact Me?

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My husband and I are hitting a very hard spot in recovery. He struggles with how my developmental trauma is an explanation for my actions. I am really struggling in my own recovery and trying to focus on just myself at this point. When we talk about the “why” he says there is no one that convince him that i didn’t have control or a choice over my actions. He says no amount of trauma 25-30 years ago can still affect me today. As he puts it. “You are a grown woman, an adult, who has control over her thoughts and actions. No therapist can tell me that you didn’t have control over your choices in the affair”. I try explain that I made my choices and I am 100% accountable and those choices were unloving towards him. My trauma just explains my choices and he always disagrees. It sends me into triggered fits and then both of us are triggered and it gets messy. If he is unable to understand the impact of my trauma, then I feel like he will never truly understand me on the most intimate level. Do we have a chance at recovery if he is unable to understand how trauma can impact me?



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