Q&A Do We Talk About the Affair or Marriage?

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Question: 

We have completed the on-line EMS course and are now in "married for life". We are confused about some of the material. All of the couples in our group recall during the course that we were instructed to address the breach in the marriage caused by the affair first. I remember reading some of your articles and watching Samuel's blogs too where you say that the affair has to be addressed before anything else can or should be. So our conundrum is that when I want to talk about the affair, my husband wants to talk about the marriage. This of course creates great distress with me, because I feel like he is blaming me and the marriage. And yet, all of us in our small group seem to be dealing with the affair issues at the same time we are dealing with the marriage issues. It seems contradictory to us. And none of us can make sense of these directions. I realize you have to fit everything into the course, but if we haven't healed the breach caused by they affair, how can we address the marriage issues at the same time? I hope I'm being clear. What are your thoughts on this? Thank you.

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