Q&A How Can I Not Blame Myself for Their Affair?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


I now understand that my husband had a category 2 affair (affair due to marital deficit). Although I never knew there was any marital deficit because he didn't tell me. He says he didn't know how unhappy he was in our marriage until he met her. Because her personality matched his and she "got his sense of humor". And she was aggressive sexually and pursued him and that turned him on. He says that he has never been happy with me sexually, says im too predictable and not passionate. I don't know how to handle all this. I am so depressed that our marital deficit was ME, it's my personality and sexual performance. He says he is sorry for what he's done and he knows that no marital deficits justified his affair. And he wants to stay married. Their affair ended 7 months ago. How do I handle all this information that the marital deficit is ME? I feel worthless, like I wasn't enough to keep him from straying. I don't know how NOT to blame myself. I'm also angry because I felt marital deficits for a long time because my husband works all the time by his own choice. I feel like now we have to focus on the marital deficits that he felt, but when do we work on the marital deficit that I felt? I am still in so much pain, how do we work on any marital deficit when I'm still hurting?



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas