Q&A Does Forgiveness Give My Mate a Free Pass?

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Question: 

I having a really hard time with this concept of grace being the way to excuse all of our sins because Jesus. I mean He also said an rye for an rye and so many other things! This picking and choosing scripture to justify or forgive our betrayals and sins just seem to place all the burdens of getting over this on the betrayed. The unfaithful get a free pass to do whatever regardless because Jesus. That seems screwed up. It’s like blaming the victim in a rape, then using select scriptures to force them to forgive or condone their rapist before they can heal.

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Forgiveness

I agree with all of Rick's points. There are so many good books on forgiveness but the Bible is the authoritative book to me because my standard is Jesus. "Eye for an eye" was the law of Moses not under the New Covenant that Jesus made possible. In my view, Jesus' way is infinitely harder for us broken, imperfect human beings so we must rely on His help to be able to forgive fully. It doesn't come naturally to any of us and when we are the victims of such intimate betrayal is so much harder to do -- and yet, this is when Jesus' point is more relevant for us to gain a life after death.

Again, forgiving for me is a process. I wish I could forgive my spouse's violation in one day so that I can move on but it's just not possible. I also know that the unfaithful (or anyone of us sinners) will live with the consequences of their actions. Sometimes, those consequences are not concrete and so we (the betrayed) tend to think that they don't have any consequences. But, this is not true. Whether the unfaithful recognizes those consequences now or not, they will be forced to face them sometime in the future. No doubt.