There was a secret child born pre-marriage which was kept from me when my husband discovered the truth. Over six years of deception. There’s abuse & slander from unfaithful’s family for a duration of ten years behind my back. Another betrayal based on a toxic family dynamic and control. EMS Online was extremely helpful but I’m unsure of reconciliation. I can’t determine if he is safe when he is inconsistent even though he seems to be working on himself to the best of his abilities. I’m seven months from discovery and I personally feel like, with an unbiased opinion, I know myself, it’s going to take at least double the length of the affairs for me to get over what my partner has done. I was completely blindsided. My inner vow is that I wouldn’t accept deceit or cheating, which was always communicated. A boundary violation based on ego, misogyny and devaluing. The analytical side says sure everyone has problems, but I’m young and I could move on to someone who would value me and know how special I am from the beginning. My partner has blamed, given multiple disclosures, lacked honest and humility and is a recovering addict. I’m compassionate due to his own childhood trauma. But I’m wanting out of my marriage. I can heal but I believe only without horizontal forgiveness. What if that’s the only way I can heal?