Q&A How Can I Be Empathetic without Allowing My Shame to Cause More Damage?

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I am the wayward spouse. My wife and I are in EMS Online and just finished the chapter on empathy. It didn’t go so well. I worded a couple of my costs in a way that didn’t reflect what I truly felt and this caused her to be triggered and flood. What is worse is how I reacted I went into defense mode and tried to explain it away before I truly heard what she was hurt by. Her hurt came out as anger and caused me to flood and take some time away. Not a proper time out in anyway. Time outs have actually become a trigger for her even if I try to do them correctly. Now she is saying that she is done and wants a divorce. She believes that I have no empathy and that I do not care about her at all. How can I show her that I do hear her and that I am empathetic to her pain without allowing my shame to cause more damage?



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