Q&A How Can I Feel Safe from Another Relapse?

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Question: 

We are about 2 months past the 1st discovery and 3 weeks past what he claims as full disclosure. He has had 2 sexual affairs that I’m aware of along with other types of infidelity and inappropriate behavior with other women such as texting exes & social media contact that’s been inappropriate. I’ve read a lot about connection and how disconnection might lead to affairs. It also seems like I’ve read that I will be able to tell in the future of further infidelity by the feeling of disconnect. The problem is, we had a really great marriage. I’d say it was way above average. I would have considered it a thriving marriage. Any number of our friends constantly commented how in love we were, how great of a couple we are, and I really thought we had a top notch marriage. Really! My husband is my best friend and he’d say the same about me. We go on weekly dates, were usually on the same page about goals, we rarely fight, we touch and hold hands, he brings me flowers etc. I believe I’m a great wife too. Of course, like anyone, I have my weaknesses & faults, but these affairs seem to not match the type of marriage I thought we had. I have always felt that I was loved, safe, secure and a priority to him. The one thing I can say is that we have sex an average of once per month. I have asked his opinion on this in the past and he seemed okay with it. I thought we were on the same page about sex. If I have felt so connected....was I missing something? Did we not have sex enough? How will I know in the future if he will or is cheating again if I never really felt disconnected in the first place?

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