Q&A How Can I Get My Spouse to Understand What I Need?

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Question: 

Sometimes when I’m angry, flooding, or question my spouse, they get defensive and say that I shouldn’t be flooding. When this happens all I need is to be reassured and held. I so badly want someone to explain this concept to my spouse. My spouse causes the flooding to escalate which takes me to the lowest of lows and he decides the reassurance isn’t something that I need.

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How can I help my husband understand my trauma

My ex husband cheated on my which has caused me to be suffering from PTSD for over a decade now. I remarried about 4 1/2 yrs ago to a good man but unfortunately I don’t think my current husband understands what I go thru and he actually exarcebates my trauma more. He gets defensive and thinks I want to control him when I believe I am just looking to feel safe with him. We have been together for almost 10 yrs, married for 4 1/2 yrs . Done counseling but has not help. Something he does that drives me crazy is he walks away, leaves me and stonewalls because he says he does not like confrontation. So I feel abandoned.
I really want to heal and save my marriage.