Q&A How Can I Get My Wayward Spouse to Understand That This Is a Big Deal?

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My husband and I are 3 months from D-Day. I discovered the relationship by accident through text messages and late night Facetime calls. We are in EMS Online week 3. He still wants to just move past everything and hurry up so that things are okay again. However, when talking about his emotional affair with another woman he says that it wasn't a big deal. He thinks that I've overreacted and that his relationship was so brief with her and that nothing physical happened that it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I tell him it is a big deal to me. He says he accepts that but that it's not a big deal to him. This scares me that if it's not a big deal, what would prevent it from happening again? What needs to happen for him to see that an emotional affair is as big a deal as a physical one?



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My husband had an emotional

My husband had an emotional affair that lasted several years with someone that he did correspond with from out of town through work. When I discovered some emails I was devastated. He also thought that since it was emotional that it wasn’t as hurtful as a physical affair. When I told him I wanted to do EMSO, his first reaction was that his affair was not as bad as some of the other men that we would correspond with. During the course there was a woman from my group whose husband had both some physical affairs and a few emotional affairs. When she talked about his affairs she said the emotional affairs are what hurts the most and started to cry. That was when my husband understood the severity of his actions. There were some chapters further on that helped him “get it.” We are 15 months out from day, and are doing well. Hang in there. There is hope.

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