Q&A How Can I Work Through This Feeling?

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Question: 

I have read a lot on your site and watched a lot of videos. My husband, the unfaithful one, has shown a commitment to me and to change for the better. We intend to work through this and stay married. My issue currently is I know he was selfish for having the affair and I know it was not my fault. However, at the time he blamed me totally for the issues in our marriage, and justified the affair to himself that it was because of me that there were problems. When he expresses remorse now, his words sound lame to me. Also, even though he says she meant nothing, (but she did because their 'friendship' lasted years), and that he wasn't thinking of me when he was with her, nor was he considering the devastation he was causing, I am the one he devastated. The hurt caused to me may not have been intentional but it was hurt none the less. Whatever the truth is, from MY perspective this was done to me. I am the one suffering the most and I do feel like the target. I can't seem to get past this. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way and was hoping there is a way I can work through this.

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