Q&A How Can We Heal without a Shared History?

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We are 12 months from D-Day and making progress, but now an area that we have trouble in is shared history. My mate does not feel as though our history is ruined, just moments when the infidelity occurred. He is able to compartmentalize very easily. Whereas I feel like most of our marriage was a sham. The cheating occurred over 10 years of our 15 year marriage. I have all of the great memories of my children, but our history of “us” is basically nonexistent for me at this point. There were two affairs lasting one year each and multiple one night stands. It’s hard to not feel he gave his part of our marriage to these women and not me. How can we move on when we disagree so strongly on this topic?



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Not enough?

Am I missing something? When Rick says finding out why you weren't enough to the betrayed, I feel like that is placing some of the blame or deficit on her. I thought that it was never the fault of the BS. I thought a key component of recovery was realizing that the affair had nothing to do with BS. Am I missing a key tenet or intention in that statement?

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