I hear you! I really hear you! I am at my wits end with ending the affair.

We are separated for the second time. (The first time he acknowledges he didn’t do it the way he wanted, he stayed with a friend, now he is in his own apartment)
Within two weeks of moving out he disclosed it was the wrong decision and wanted to come back but has continued to engage with AP.

My UH and I are in the individual AR programs.
Two days ago, after asking for proof the affair is over, he allowed me entry to our company (it has been over a year since I have been in our office). It is in the hornets nest, UH works directly with AP, that I found evidence on his phone that only hours prior she sent a message indicating he made her cum at work, his response: sorry not sorry.
I am beyond devastated. This text chain also indicated that he had participated the night before in sexual phone conversation. No where in the messaging does he say, whoa I crossed the line. I told you I would listen but that I was going back to my wife. I was completely disrespectful to her and both of us by allowing more engagement. No one word indicating ‘I made a mistake, the affair is over’
He professes she knows the affair is over, that he is moving home, that he only did it to help her move on, soften the blow of having to find a new job.
My brain screams, why the bleep would she find a new job when you are still verbally (or physically) sexually and emotionally engaged?!??
How is this line of conversation indicating MY needs are more important than hers?!??!?

I suggest you ask your husband (as I did) watch the Ending the Affair: 6 Steps video.
It is one thing to end the affair but if the door isn’t closed, locked and key thrown away where no one can find it...relapse and re-engagement is a extremely high risk.
I believe my UH is a caring man, a good man but he has to decide to truly end the affair, to the point of understanding that any contact is a deep betrayal of building trust, and put my needs above hers.
The videos give excellent examples of what to do if the AP reaches out.
If our UH can’t do this, there is no more we can do.
I believe there is always hope, but our UH have to take responsibility for our healing by NOT re-engaging, re-lapsing. I know this is no small feet for them, and I congratulate and applaud all the strong, courageous Unfaithful spouses that day after day continue to NOT re-lapse, for themselves, their Betrayed Spouse and for their AP (because this too hurts them).
Stay strong, you do not have to decide today to stay or go.
Allow space while you are in the EMS to learn and heal yourself, and see how you feel and think at the end. So much can change.
I am hopeful for all of us.