Q&A How Do I Create a Coherent Story If the Details from My Mate Are Always Changing?

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My wife has hx bipolar 2, CPTSD, and mild to moderate alcohol use disorder. We have two young kids. I hesitate to give much about the affair, because especially after last d-day. I realize that I simply don’t know enough about it based on the patchy, inconsistent, and contradictory facts revealed in a drip manner. I believe it lasted somewhere between 1 and 2 years and is probably over. Subsequent disclosures have also altered the story of the affair in meaningful ways, leaving me at a loss. My wife is 7 weeks into Hope for Healing and finds it helpful. She has been in therapy for years. She developed empathy since starting Hope for Healing, has been remorseful and the active hurting has mostly stopped – except through the lack of a coherent story of the affair. She states that past trauma has made it hard to construct consistent narratives and gave no time frame on when one might happen. I no longer know what to believe. I find myself in a place where I have to chose to believe nothing that is said to me in order to protect myself. I also have started to assume that the affair is the worst version of what it could be to protect myself from the fact that each disclosure has made the affair appear worse and worse. I have empathy for her, but this is really painful.



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