Q&A How Do I Feel Good about Myself Again after What Has Happened?

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Question: 

I am the betrayed spouse. It has been a year since discovery. I am struggling with letting somebody treat me so badly. I am currently in EMS Online, and although very helpful, I feel a lot of the material is for the wayward spouse even though the betrayed spouse has more work to do. I do love my spouse and can almost understand why it happened but I don't understand how to let go of her treating me so badly. Putting me in terrible positions with the lies and deceit and making such a fool of me in front of a whole group of people. I think I need some advice on how to feel good about myself again after letting someone do what she did.

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A thought..

I believe what the Betrayed is saying, at least what I'm hearing as a betrayed spouse, is how do I let go of what they DID to me by having the affair and decieving me, embarrassing me, hurting me etc. I struggle with these as well. How can you be "friends" or move forward as partners and lovers when this person had betrayed your trust and hurt you so deeply. The base friendship and trust and love is gone. The story is dirty and tarnished. How do you ever really get past that? There's no base friendship or foundation left.