Q&A How Do I Find Empathy?

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Question: 

I am in EMS Online with my spouse and we are on week 6. In the video you stated that it’s very hard for the betrayed to feel like they matter to their unfaithful spouse, when the betrayed was not thought of at all during an affair. My unfaithful had a one night stand with a woman who was nearly a stranger having talked a few times by chatting online. My unfaithful spouse says he did think of me and did think of the hurt it would cause, the consequences, the damage that would be done, and then had the affair anyway, not caring how it would hurt me or relationship because in his words “ I didn’t want you. I wanted her that night. I didn’t care if you left that night, but knew I would want you to stay the next day so I lied to you about where I was and what I was doing”. How do I find empathy in this case, much less understanding and trust that I do matter when he fully admitted I was unwanted and didn’t matter after fully considering the weight of his actions?

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