Q&A How Do I Get My Feelings Back for My Husband?

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Question: 

My husband and I have been married 32 years now. We are 15 months out from the initial D-Day plus some trickling. My husband had a recent 8 year sexual affair including online porn and sexting. I admitted to a 4 day emotional affair 30 years ago with a co-worker while on a work related conference. We completed EMS Online and we are now in Married for Life. Our healing feels like a roller coaster. When I, the betrayed, talk about what happened or ask other questions about our relationship, the discussion leaves me feeling safer and hopeful. On the contrary, my husband has had to remember his past and he usually takes a day or two to recover from feeling very down. In addition, I have expressed that I feel like he has died to me and that the love I thought was there has been washed away. We are both working on ourselves and hope that God is creating a new life for us and a new love, yet my husband feels very hurt that I don’t feel love for him as he does for me, which makes him withdraw. How do we get off this roller coaster? How can I get him to understand that I want the love to grow back? I still feel somewhat untrusting and loveless at this point. I so want to recommit 100% but honestly I’m just not there yet.

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