Q&A How Do I Get past the Things I Think He Might Have Said to Her?

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Question: 

Compliments or affectionate or sexual efforts from my husband results in me immediately wondering if he said, did, or felt that with his affair partner, or even looked at her that way. That steals any joy or comfort the moment had the potential to offer and makes me withdraw. I just don't feel like I am, or ever was, anything special to him if he wanted someone else. His year-long affair was 12 years ago but disclosure was 14 months ago after a decade of questioning. My husband is remorseful has done everything possible to reassure me of his feelings for me, both now, and during his affair, but I have a hard time accepting that I really meant anything to him then, and feel like he was just using me. My husband is very complimentary toward me, tells me I'm beautiful, that he loves my body, and emphasizes his love and desire for me. I just can't get past that he felt these things toward someone else during our marriage, although he insists he didn't feel as strongly about her emotionally or physically. I can't get it out of my head, and it is hard for me to believe. It feels like nothing is special with me, even though I know he feels it is very meaningful and special. We've done EMS Weekend and I have completed Harboring Hope. I am grateful for the man he is now and our relationship is so much closer and deeper than ever. I just wish I could enjoy it.

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This is one of the things

This is one of the things that hurts me so much as well....and then when you say 18-24 months to heal my heart breaks all over again. We are only 4 months into recovery and it is brutal to say the least. I question every day if I'm doing the right thing in trying to make it work. Thank you for all of your work and the vast library on here and all of the work that you do.

What type of affair was it?

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