Q&A Why am I Still Upset?

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I found out that my spouse had a massive and long-term relapse 14 months ago, he's a sex addict. In the first months I grieved (cried) a lot, I then threw myself into various 12-step programs and counseling, and life in general, for several months. I kept myself very busy, we moved, got pregnant, I'm in graduate school...my goal was to not get involved with any other man to cope with my pain. I have been able to avoid this negative coping mechanism. Life has been more quiet in the last month, partly because I'm on a break from school and partly because I am having major complications in my pregnancy, and have been in and out of the hospital and put on bed rest. Before the complications began, I started working to set boundaries with my alcoholic father, which so far has resulted in a hurtful conversation from my mother, which left me feeling attacked and emotionally abandoned for doing what's right for me and my family. I have been having heavy crying spells & feel physically assaulted in my head again over my spouses initial round of affairs AND also his relapse round of infidelity. Also I am crying about the situation with my parents. I am continuing to work my programs best I can, with phone meetings and outreach calls, and I am in therapy still. Is this normal? It's been 14 months. I had a long stretch where I wasn't so upset, was I stuffing my feelings with being busy? Should I just have faith that eventually if I just keep doing the next right thing, I will heal in my marriage and have more inner peace? I feel guilty for being so upset still, or again. I feel like such a burden to my spouse, even though he is responsible for his infidelity and then relapse. How should he be reacting to me in this state?



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