Q&A How Do I Help My Spouse Not Compare Himself to My Awful Affair Partner?

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I was in an affair with a charming manipulator (who I later found out has criminal ties) for almost 22 months. I became quickly attached because of my own insecurities and feelings of loneliness. Even though I recognized what he was to some extent, I still craved a part of him. When I wanted out of it the uglier side came to light and I feared retribution and gave in to his threats and exploitation for months because I did not want to admit what I had done to my husband or anyone. I was a coward and wanted to be caught or confronted because I could never bring it up even though I was tormented by guilt and shame. My AP would not leave me alone then and even since has made multiple attempts to contact me. My husband compares himself to this monster and feels worthless. I have shamed my husband and family terribly and the pain is immense, understandably.We have attended the EMS weekend in June 2017 we are now 11 months since D-Day and often still feel stuck because my husband believes I chose this toxic person over him for 21 months, which basically I did. I regret it all, but that has little bearing now.



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