Q&A How Do I Overcome My Fears of Contracting an STD from My Wayward Spouse?

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Question: 

Since discovery, I have developed this major fear of contracting an STD. We’ve both been tested & are free of any STDs as of 3 months ago. My husband says he is no longer acting out & I am making him wear condoms anyway because he has lied so much in the past saying he wasn’t having affairs when he really was....perhaps he is still acting out and lying. Or perhaps he will have another affair in the future & give me and STD at that point. He has admitted to 2 affair partners and never used protection. I can’t trust myself to believe him now (even if he’s doing the work) because I always believed him in the past. We both very much dislike using condoms & they sometimes affect his erection preventing us from having intercourse. How do we move forward with this major fear of mine?

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Fear of STD’s

Unfortunately your husband failed to protect you, so it’s a natural inclination to have the need to protect yourself. After my husband’s affair, a one night stand with a much younger woman, was discovered, I made him use condoms. Unfortunately 3 months in, one broke. Read up on STD’s/STI’s. Arm yourself with knowledge. Remove that control from your husband at this time. It’s okay to protect yourself, in fact, it’s neglect if you don’t. Sadly, it’s more likely we’ll all contract HPV in some form or another if nothing else. Make your husband have routine HIV testing and you be consistent to follow up with a reputable OB/Gyn. Get tested for HPV every year with your PAP test as it is transmitted by skin to skin contact and impossible to test men for. I’m sorry for your fear. You’re not alone.

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