Q&A How Do I Overcome the Physical Aspect of the Affair?

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Question: 

My husband had a three month affair and I found out through an anonymous text on D-Day. He did not admit to the affair until the AP sent copies of the texts between them. We are almost 11 months past D-Day. Since D-Day, we have completed HH, HFH, and are in week 10 of EMSO. We are working toward healing and we both are diligent with our homework in all programs. We are seeing some healing and reconnection, and are both committed to doing everything we can to stay the course. He says he “never wants to be that person again.” We also see a therapist together and separately. I am striving for forgiveness but he still becomes defensive when I show my pain and says I won’t let it go. He insists that he was “lost from God, and was drawn in by the validation and applause he got from her.” The hardest aspect for me to face is the fact that he was so willing to share his body intimately with this other woman. This is the most intimate part of marriage- the part that is just between us, and no one else. When we are intimate, I realize that he has enjoyed another woman’s body, and not just mine. It’s a fact that will never go away. We have been married for 30 years and he’s all I’ve known since age 17. How could he lie to me for sex with another for three months? He knew from other friends’ infidelities that THIS is what ends marriages! How do I overcome this? I’m afraid I won’t heal fully if I can’t get past this part of his affair.

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