Q&A How Can We Better Handle Triggers during Sex?

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Question: 

You say for intrusive thoughts and triggers during sex to try and have eyes opened sex. I know it’s the window into the soul and a very intimate connection between two people. The problem is it’s a huge trigger and I have intrusive thoughts during sex. My husband has always had eyes opened sex. Now all I think about when we are having sex is him and his several affair partners looking into each other’s eyes. For him he had a “connection “ with two of them. It makes me feel like he never had or will have a true intimate connection with me. He was able to look into their eyes and have a connection with women who do not love or care for him. Any advice on how to handle this and work through the triggers and thoughts?

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this is a hard one for me too

this is a hard one for me too. I have a lot of triggers if we have sex. I have asked my husband if he can do something different with me that he never did with her. He was silent for a minute and said that he would probably have to look at the kama sutra to get ideas. Which pretty much says to me that he did so many things with her that he would have a hard time on his own thinking of something new. This was really hard for me.