Q&A How Do I Stop Getting a Sense of Security from My Anger?

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I had a question on anger. My husband had an emotional affair 3 years back and upon finding out I did all the so called “right” things that I now find in Harboring Hope and EMSO courses. I was angry (no name calling, no destructiveness), cried and told him how hurt I was, went to a counselor and eventually forgave and moved on. Later I found out that even though this affair faded its own course, it never did stop. One of the reasons for fading would also have been his new found emotional affair. This time when I found out, I got into a rage, swore at him, broke things and did everything I was advised against- like calling up the AP. The AP ended it cold turkey from her side even threatening to go to HR if he tried to contact her again. He was really afraid of me and changed jobs, stopped going out with females alone in the evening, being accountable, joining EMSO with me etc. Now, the false sense of security I get is from the anger and I find it hard to let go thinking that he will minimize this affair too if I start being my 'true self'. How do I let go of being this fake person I am not and stop getting this sense of security from my anger? Or is there something like good anger vs bad anger?



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