Q&A How do We Combat the Marathoning?

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Question: 

Rick, I am an unfaithful husband who, over a period of 11 years in a 34-year marriage, had affairs with three women. A narcissist and sex addict, I took terrible advantage of my trusting wife. Four years after the last affair, I entered therapy, where I have been for almost 5 years. Six years after the last affair, D -Day began December of 2014 and trickled until May of 2015. We completed EMSO and have been in couples counseling for 2 years.

In spite of this work, I still do things that trigger my wife. On a trip to Washington (where the longest affair took place), I didn’t call my wife when I was having lunch at a lecture but sitting next to a young woman colleague. I agreed to call my wife whenever I was having lunch with one or more women. I regret not calling her. Such a simple gesture would have avoided the marathoning that followed. But now she is marathoning and I can’t handle it. I try to be empathetic at first. By the 5th hour I start to lose it. By the second day I only want to avoid her. By the third day I want to end the marriage, if only to stop the onslaught. She tells me she wouldn’t be marathoning if I made her feel loved. But by day 3, I cannot express love, though I do love her and want to save our marriage from what I've done. 
Advise gratefully accepted.

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