Q&A How Do We Heal from the Trauma That Surrounded the Affair?

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My husbands affair was surround by trauma. I had had several miscarriages, got pregnant and was diagnosed with breast cancer. Underwent treatment, had the baby, continued treatment, baby needed 3 major surgeries before she was a year old. My husband’s depression became worse through all of this. He was suicidal. Had an affair- we imploded as as a new family. Here we are 4 years later, 20 months post D-Day. Proud of the new us. Marriage based on faith, love, grace. Went to EMS weekend, still have counseling and talk with our ems group weekly. Doing great! So good we decided to have another baby. Unfortunately my cancer came back while I am pregnant. We are feeling retraumatized all over again. The affair partner also decided to work the same shift as my husband again putting them in close proximity. They will have to go on some calls together, even just hearing her voice 8 hours makes him sick and reminds him of what a mistake he made. This stirs up shame and guilt in him and in me I have to deal with her being back in the work picture. She continues to indirectly post social media stuff about us. He is feeling depressed. This is almost the exact same scenario as before and we are both feeling flooded with triggers, memories, negative feelings, insecurities, I can’t believe this is happening. How do we deal with this? So many topics we thought we dealt with that are resurfacing again. It so hard to revisit them now being out of the fire and now we are thrown back in it. Help! We wanted a do-over to seek redemption but this is a-bit much to handle. What do we do?



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