Q&A How Do We Help Our Children after Involving Them Too Much?

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Question: 

We just finished Day 6 of Boot Camp last night and were both punched in the face with the reality of what we've done to our children. We both knew it before Day 6 but hadn't really owned up to it. Basically we committed the crime of doing almost everything we shouldn't have done to our kids during discovery. Our oldest daughter is 23, married and lives 4 1/2 hours away and the youngest is 18 and in college 3 hours away, but comes home often. For me, the betrayed spouse, my pain, disgust and anger was not hidden when my husband's lies were being uncovered. For 10 months we went through the motions of reconciliation and I thought we were in a better place but then I gave up all hope, finalized the divorce and told the kids pretty much everything that they didn't already know when I discovered new information. My husband also shared facts of what he'd done with the oldest that I didn't even know at the time and would send messages to me through them because I wouldn't talk to him. The girls and I have always had a closer relationship than they've had with him. Neither of them want to see me go through the pain I've already experienced by reconciling again. Now we are divorced but going through steps to truly heal individually and together and looking forward to a full reconciliation but the damage we've done to the kids is unacceptable. How do we help them to heal, minimize the damage we've already caused and reconcile their relationship with their father?

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Very Helpful

I appreciate the guidance from this, Rick. Thank you!