Q&A How Do We Move Forward When I’m Not Sure He Can Admit to Himself What His Demons Are?

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We are almost a year out from D-Day, the last 8 months have been one D-Day after the next. I've had to uncover everything. He recently disclosed he thought he was in love with her. This disqualifies everything prior, he downplayed the affair. We've gone from "I wasn't attracted to her, I was lonely" to "it was an intense relationship and I thought I was in love with her". She was young and trashy. I believe my husband has an issue with porn. Porn has always been there, there's email accounts used solely for this purpose, going back 15 years. I believe the affair and the porn use are linked. I have tried to explore this with him, he doesn't want to go there. His upbringing taught him to portray perfectionism, sweep anything ugly under the rug. He needs lots of affirmation, applause, always has to be the good guy. I love him unconditionally and want to keep our family together. How do we move forward when I'm not sure he can admit to himself what his demons are? Do I just wait and hope he figures it out? I don't want to shame him, he will retract. I think he has discontinued the use of regular porn, but I do see he searches sketchy lingerie sites, claiming he is shopping for us.



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