Q&A How Do We Move Forward When the Wayward Spouse Continues to Contact the Affair Partner?

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Question: 

My partner had affair with his ex. She disclosed the 2 year affair in a painfully detailed letter to me. She's created rumors, harassed me at work, & written numerous texts of hateful lies calling me filthy names. He promised to write her a letter cutting contact & repeatedly stated he has. I’ve discovered every time to be a lie. He's not disclosed any information without my initial discovery. I recently discovered that she's been emailing him for at least 5 months despite his promise to tell me if she contacts him. He insists that he kept his word cutting contact his way by ghosting her & that it's "fatheaded" of me to think he should do it “my way" stating his way gets the same result without hurting anyone. He said he doesn't think of her or respond. A few days ago I discovered 3 emails to her. He said he's not blaming me but, if I didn't "meddle" he wouldn't have thought about her. He's extremely defensive, says hurtful things and I need to admit my mistakes. My reaction could have been better, I’m emotional, I feel devastated. Current history proves him untrustworthy, unsafe & unreliable. I don't know how to feel safe or trust after so much disrespect & lies. He reopened the door for her renewing her hope. Is it unreasonable for me to hold him to his promise to cut contact? We took EMSO & I’m looking for a therapist as well.

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