Q&A How Do We Move on with Long Standing Resentments?

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Question: 

I just finished listening to your video, "how does the unfaithful spouse deal with unforgiveness and resentment toward the betrayed?”. I am having a lot of trouble dealing with my spouse's 20 year old grudges. These grudges are about normal married life problems. I apologized at the time, tried to address them, and show in my actions that they wouldn't happen again. It's been 8+ years since D day. My spouse is still more concerned about these issues than her infidelity. She has just started to try to make progress, but had to air all her issues with me before starting. Now I think most of her 'progress' is simply putting these issues 'on the shelf' to bring them out later. I feel like her standard for me is perfection - I'll never attain that. While her standard for herself allowed her to have several simultaneous affairs and she expects me to forgive and forget on your timeline - to her satisfaction. I am not sure how I can move on.

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