Q&A How Do We Restore Trust?

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My husband has lied regarding his affair for almost 20 years. Information has come out painfully slow. I know because of the time that has gone by that it makes it very difficult to remember things. The last year he says he has been working on telling me the truth. My problem comes in when he has told me he has "remembered" something. In this case a gift he bought her. Then months later he says he bought her something else. When asked if he had bought both things he said no that the second gift made more sense because it was a professional gift. When questioned on this I'm now told the first one was a "guess" even though he used the word remembered when he talked about it the first time. I told him two different meanings when you remember you are recalling an event. Now when I ask him how am I supposed to trust what he says and when do I trust what he says, the first time he says he remembers or the 3rd time he says he remembers. He recently said he "doesn't have an answer for shifting memories and recollection I have been trying so hard to give you the information and the reasons why that as we discussed, my mind creates the reasons and I convince myself that is true only to get a bit of information that refutes that later" and that "I think this is one of the reasons why the Affair Recovery people suggest at a certain point decide enough is enough with the disclosure because it causes the info to become confusing" What do I do? How do you build trust?



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