Q&A How do We Talk About it Now?

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Question: 

Rick, we are 2+ years out and 10 months from the last d-day. I'm wondering what type of conversation about the affair would be helpful now. I still think about it numerous times each day but have stopped asking questions for more detail as he gets defensive and I get angry/sad. However, not talking about of it feels awkward. He doesn't want to think about it and wants to move forward. He is doing many things right but I find myself wishing he would initiate ANY form of conversation around the affair or post disclosure. Some thoughts would be "I can't believe I put myself in the position of losing my family for THAT!" or "When I look back now, I see how this affected all aspects of me, not just my behavior when I was with her." or "I want to know how I can make you feel special again, because my actions made you feel so unloved." or "I want you to know when I think of her today, what is going through my mind." Those are a bit weak, but I'm looking for ideas to initiate mature dialogue. Any suggestions for my husband so he can TALK to me? I would love to see this so I could respect his courage and willingness to explore intimate conversation. Avoiding it makes me feel empty and isolated. Is it fair to expect some conversation around the affair? 4 years of infidelity and 2 years of trickle truth has had a profound effect on me and I feel there must be a safe, helpful and mature way to broach the subject. I appreciate any suggestions you may have.

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