Q&A How Does the Betrayed Spouse Get Over the Treatment by the Unfaithful While in an Affair?

How do I let go of the way he treated me while he was in the affair? I felt diminished, unappreciated, disregarded, and used especially when he used stonewalling tactics and blame shifting! His treatment then haunts me still now. Is this just another area that I will have to offer forgiveness? There are days when I just feel a large amount of distance between us. I don't know if it is real or my imagination, but this distance makes me feel beaten down. I am not sure how to function when he is having an off day or is extremely stressed as these are triggers to the past, how he behaved and I felt during the affair. How do I manage this? I usually take a mind-over-matter approach and focus on what is real, what is important. I assume I am projecting his mood onto my own fears and emotions, but I would rather leave those fears and emotions in the past. But then I worry because that is how I dealt with those emotions during the affair – I didn’t acknowledge them then.

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