Q&A I’m Losing Compassion for My Mate. What Can I Do?

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After EMS Weekend last October, I discovered genuine empathy for by betrayed spouse. It was a huge step in healing our relationship. Since then, my empathy has weaned drastically. I have worked very hard at recovery. According to my wife's needs, I completely severed all ties with the affair partner, started seeing a therapist regularly, passed a lie detector test when wife suspected I was relapsing, joined Hope for Healing, put tracking apps on all my devices, and much more. I do not refuse anything my wife expresses she needs for safety. But nothing seems to satisfy her or make her feel safe. She never acknowledges anything I have done to create safety for her. Instead, she harps to me and others only about what I "fail" to do. As a result, it becomes difficult to maintain empathy. I continue to follow her demands, but my empathy has slackened, or almost vanished and I seem to be following her demands mechanically. I want to be empathetic towards her. But instead, when I see she is unresponsive to anything I do, I begin to resent her, for demanding so much yet not appreciating or even acknowledging anything I do. I know how powerful empathy is. I want to tap into it again, but I just cannot seem to do it. Please help.



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