Q&A I Am Trying to Be Safe for My Wife, but How Can I Feel Safe from Her?

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I've fully and voluntarily disclosed a 2 year affair to my wife 14 months ago. I've had no contact with the affair partner for 13 months. My wife has complete access to my phone, email accounts, video surveillance cameras at work. As requested, when I'm not with her or our children, I enable mobile tracking & video call her. We've seen a marriage counselor for 12 months, but my wife doesn't want to continue. She is doing Harbouring Hope and we begin EMS Online this Tuesday. I am hurt and frightened when she does the following things: - reads through my private journal (which is the avenue I use to process grief, anger, frustration etc) without my consent. - she uses what I've written in this journal to criticize me. - she demands that I must confess hatred for the affair partner and FEEL complete remorse over the affair. - she has occasionally run away and threatened self harm when we've had heated arguments. I am trying to be safe for my wife, but how can I feel safe from her? My desire is to be transparent about my current progress, but feel very unsafe doing so. What should I do to address this?



RL_Media Type: 

"wanting some safety from the 'betrayed' as you lay it out there

I would love to hear a valid discussion of this. My wife, as well, read my journals, at whim. It's infuriating and I think it's incredibly dishonoring and de-humanizing. Of course, to her, any and all actions are valid and excusable because of my mistakes, sins and self-centeredness. Like your wife, my wife then uses those journal entries against me even though I have asked her to PLEASE not read my journal entries. I've literally stopped journaling and will likely never journal again in my life. But if I get anything like a typical answer... my wife is just 'flooding' and I'm supposed to just 'lay down my life for her, as Christ did the church' and every other cliche' approach that reeks of the idea that men are terrible and women are excused.

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