Q&A Is It Healthy to Feel Nothing Toward the Affair Partner?

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My husband had a one-year emotional and sexual affair. It abruptly ended six months ago, and he has had no further contact with the AP. He was convicted by God, repented, and asked for forgiveness from both God and me. We attended EMS Weekend and are now in Married for Life. He is very focused on becoming a godly man and moving forward. He says he feels nothing for the AP - not positive or negative feelings. Sometimes he feels guilty for not having negative feelings about the AP, because he sees her manipulation and deception. But he believes that having anger, resentment, or other negative feelings toward her would disown his own responsibility for what happened. In all honesty, sometimes I think it would make me feel better if he expressed a lot of negative feelings toward her. Other times, it is hard for me to understand how he could feel nothing for a person with whom he was so involved. Is this a healthy perspective - to feel nothing toward the AP? Or, is it more healthy to have negative feelings toward the AP?



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Not a second thought

This is the story of my husband concerning the AP. He abruptly ended it upon disclosure two months ago and has not given her a second thought. It took us a while to figure this out - the affair was not grounded in reality and was a fantasy. A fantasy is not real love and so it does not last, but quickly fades away about as quickly as it is ignited. My husband and I courted for a year and a half, taking our time to get to know each other and to appreciate each other. That’s the hallmark of real love, not this fake feeling that mimics love. It was over when D-day brought it into the light and it stopped being fantasy - instead it appeared as a horrific reality that he wishes he could undo. For him, it has become a colossal foolishness, he admits that he squandered our love and his time chasing a false idea.

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