Q&A Is My Spouse Showing a Lack of Trustworthiness?

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I made a list of my boundaries for my husband that included things to make me feel safe due to infidelity and also finances because of his behavior with money after discovery. One of the “minor” irritations in our marriage prior to discovery was the way he eats cereal. I laugh just writing that but it was the only weird thing I put on the list. My boundary was that there was to be no eating cereal in our home or around me because I’ve had a pretty severe anger response to the trauma that has resulted in me becoming physical. That previously minor thing now sets me off into complete rage. My husband also gets a “thrill” out of being sneaky and has a thrill seeking personality. I believe that’s one thing that drove him to have multiple affairs even though we had a great marriage. Our family came to stay and they brought cereal with them. I caught my husband “sneaking” cereal that weekend even though he had agreed not to eat it in our home. It’s one of those things that I think, “if you can’t be trustworthy in the small things, you can’t be in the big things.” This isn’t the first time he has broken boundaries that were on the list. He hasn’t broken infidelity related ones but safety boundaries/triggers are the ones he’s broken. We had made progress to sleeping in the same bed and being a little more affectionate. Now I don’t want him to touch me and told him to start sleeping in the guest room. Cereal is a trigger for my anger and this diminished the small amount of trust I had developed because... he doesn’t take me seriously and thinks he gets to decide what is ok and what is it for me. Am I being ridiculous or does this just prove to me he is still lacking on trustworthiness?



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I’m so sorry, but I laughed

I’m so sorry, but I laughed so hard about the cereal boundary. I have the same issue with my husband eating near me in general. He chew breathes or he makes the whomping sound when he eats and it’s so annoying that I too feel an urge to become physically violent

And also

To expand, I agree with Wayne and that it isn’t about the cereal, per se, but the fact that he decided he had the right to do something that he said he wouldn’t do. Also, when you said, “why does he think he gets to decide what’s OK for me?” I totally feel you on that as well. It really does make it seem like they don’t take us seriously, doesn’t it? But I do appreciate the laugh and the validation I got to learn how I am not alone in the rage I feel when I hear my husband eating.

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