Q&A Should the Unfaithful Spouse Lead Our Healing?

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Question: 

My husband met a younger woman last fall and began mentoring her in his career expertise. It started first with lunching alone to an affair by Christmas. He lied about moving out in February, telling me it was to see if we could save our marriage and be alone to think. He says he ended the sexual part at the end of March. He moved home first of April because I needed him to make a choice. I didn't know about any of the affair until May. He first told me it was only emotional, but because of emails, text, and phone records , slowly I was able to get the truth from him. It took me until July. Because she worked for him, they had to finish two projects that he had included her in. We put up no contact boundaries only to find out he had violated them twice by calling and answering an email. From the D-Day he has told me he is sorry and has said many times he is ashamed and feels guilty. What I am concerned about is his lack of drive in repairing the damage. He had so much energy toward the AP and his business. All recovery has been led by me and I am driven a lot by denial. Have I messed up and not allowed him to feel the responsibility to lead our recovery and my healing through planning and creating situations that produce the emotions necessary for re-connection?

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