Q&A How can I get Past a Desire for Revenge?

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Hi Rick,

My husband has had multiple affairs over the past 5 years of our six year marriage. I've experienced 4 D-days. The second was in March of 2014 which led to us entering therapy and him swearing to never again cheat. That lasted about 9 months when I discovered he "relapsed" and returned to a previous AP. He emphasized the point that he had not had affairs with women in our circles. A few weeks after the last discovery I discovered he'd been having an affair with his assistant director. The betrayal hits on multiple dimensions, including the fact that she was once a close friend of mine, who I actually confided in about his previous affairs. We subsequently ended up having a falling out and when I confronted her about the affair she admitted she was mad at me...which, in part, helped her justify her role in the affair.

My question relates to my desire for revenge. I am a firm believer in not wanting to make things worse and believe in an interconnectedness of all beings; rendering revenge...well....hurt yet to be transformed. But I am challenged by this, I want justice. A wrong, a crime, a violation has been committed and a correction is warranted. I fully get that it was my husband's decision and there have been consequences for him, but he did not act in a vacuum. Separate and aside from him, her actions have been destructive and manipulative. Having said that; I want to be responsible about this, but I don't want desire to linger in my heart and mind. How can I move though this and beyond this from a place of strength??

Thank God for you and your team!



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