Q&A Should we let the AP's Know that it's Over?

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Question: 

Rick,

I would like your advice on whether or not my husband should contact former APs to establish a final boundary. Both of these affairs were sex only. One of the women is an old sexual fling from his single days whom he had sex with once while we were married 10 years ago. Every couple of years since, she continues to contact him to "catch up" or try and see him. He hasn't seen her since and responds that it wouldn't be a good idea. She is the one who messaged me on Facebook to let me know that she had slept with my husband. This then led to the disclosure of another sexual affair with a colleague with whom he has had several sexual encounters over the last 2 years while on business trips. I messaged her to let her know that I was aware and she didn't respond. My husband is remorseful and doing everything he can for our recovery. He says that he used them purely for sex and never had an emotional connection with them. Even though they both know that I'm aware of their affairs with my husband, a huge part of me wants them to hear from him that he used them, loves me, has taken full responsibility, and we are reconciling. He has written out and rehearsed a response stating these things to tell them if they try contacting him again. Should we wait to see if they contact him again or contact them first? It sickens me to think that they may hold on to the idea of a possible future affair with my husband which is why I think he may should contact them. On the other hand, one of the women seems a bit unstable and delusional and the other is connected with his business. If either were to get angry and retaliate, the consequences could affect our children and his business.


Rick's Suggested Reading:
  1. Ending an Affair - Step One: Make the Decision
  2. Ending an Affair: Close the Door
  3. Ending an Affair: Lock the Door Part 1
  4. Ending an Affair: Lock the Door Part 2
  5. Ending an Affair: Throw Away the Key
  6. Ending an Affair: Letting Go and Moving On

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