Q&A Is There Any Benefit of My Husband Writing Another Termination Letter to His Affair Partner?

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Dear Rick,
The day after DDay, my husband wrote an email to his AP to end the affair. In his salutation to her he referred to her as Darling. He told her that "I" wanted to rebuild the marriage that we once had. He also told her that he " had loved every minute they had spent together and that he did not regret any of it." Seven weeks later she sent him an email inquiring how his "family" was. He was shocked that she had emailed him. I was NOT surprised since I found his note to her a rather unconvincing end to the affair. 

It has been six months since DDay and thoughts of this letter still wound me. I wish desperately that the note had been worded differently. I know that complete disengagement from the AP is of the utmost importance. My husband has not had contact with her since writing the note March 3, 2016. Is anything to be gained by writing another letter? I shared this with my husband and he has offered to write another letter that would explain how much pain this has caused me/us and inform her of his regrets. I know in my heart that it is best to keep the AP on the outside, but I still desperately need him to tell her that he has regrets. Please tell me what is the best way to resolve these demons for me.



RL_Media Type: 

I the Betrayed wrote the breakup letter, because he couldn't

We are 833 days out from D-day. It has been a long painful journey but we are continuing to move forward. At the beginning I was a passionate warrior fighting for my family, our marriage, my heart. My husband was in a "lovestruck stupor", so blinded and deceived that I hardly recognized him. He was torn and confused about what to do, so I took the bull by the horns and gave him directives. The first step was to END the affair!!! He said he couldn't find the words to do it, so I wrote an eloquent "break up letter" and he sent it. In the months that followed I believe he has not had contact with her. Trickle truth continued to stream for over a year, and a much more involved and ugly story came to light. One of the things that really bugs me is that he let me write "my wife knows everything" and that was not true! There were many lies yet to unfold! Now, I feel like a bigger fool, but I am also left wondering if I even know everything NOW. I have asked him to write a letter NOW. Not that we would send it to her... but hopefully now that he is out of the fog - he could find the words he should have been able to say back then. I am long past demanding actions, or giving directives. I have also lost the passion to fiercely fight. I am grateful we are together, and grateful we have made progress, but my heart is still weighed down by heavy stones that I don't have hope will ever truly go away.

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