We are 833 days out from D-day. It has been a long painful journey but we are continuing to move forward. At the beginning I was a passionate warrior fighting for my family, our marriage, my heart. My husband was in a "lovestruck stupor", so blinded and deceived that I hardly recognized him. He was torn and confused about what to do, so I took the bull by the horns and gave him directives. The first step was to END the affair!!! He said he couldn't find the words to do it, so I wrote an eloquent "break up letter" and he sent it. In the months that followed I believe he has not had contact with her. Trickle truth continued to stream for over a year, and a much more involved and ugly story came to light. One of the things that really bugs me is that he let me write "my wife knows everything" and that was not true! There were many lies yet to unfold! Now, I feel like a bigger fool, but I am also left wondering if I even know everything NOW. I have asked him to write a letter NOW. Not that we would send it to her... but hopefully now that he is out of the fog - he could find the words he should have been able to say back then. I am long past demanding actions, or giving directives. I have also lost the passion to fiercely fight. I am grateful we are together, and grateful we have made progress, but my heart is still weighed down by heavy stones that I don't have hope will ever truly go away.

It is wildly painful, as a betrayed, that AR seems to offer little chance for us to have a voice in ending the affair. We didn't start the affair, we didn't support it, but we bear the brunt of the pain and are not allowed any voice in ending it. It is disappointing that AR doesn't overtly support betrayed spouses in getting to end the affair. It would go a long way in helping us feel like we were once apart of a married team.