Q&A Is There Any Benefit of My Husband Writing Another Termination Letter to His Affair Partner?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


Dear Rick,
The day after DDay, my husband wrote an email to his AP to end the affair. In his salutation to her he referred to her as Darling. He told her that "I" wanted to rebuild the marriage that we once had. He also told her that he " had loved every minute they had spent together and that he did not regret any of it." Seven weeks later she sent him an email inquiring how his "family" was. He was shocked that she had emailed him. I was NOT surprised since I found his note to her a rather unconvincing end to the affair. 

It has been six months since DDay and thoughts of this letter still wound me. I wish desperately that the note had been worded differently. I know that complete disengagement from the AP is of the utmost importance. My husband has not had contact with her since writing the note March 3, 2016. Is anything to be gained by writing another letter? I shared this with my husband and he has offered to write another letter that would explain how much pain this has caused me/us and inform her of his regrets. I know in my heart that it is best to keep the AP on the outside, but I still desperately need him to tell her that he has regrets. Please tell me what is the best way to resolve these demons for me.



RL_Media Type: 

I the Betrayed wrote the breakup letter, because he couldn't

We are 833 days out from D-day. It has been a long painful journey but we are continuing to move forward. At the beginning I was a passionate warrior fighting for my family, our marriage, my heart. My husband was in a "lovestruck stupor", so blinded and deceived that I hardly recognized him. He was torn and confused about what to do, so I took the bull by the horns and gave him directives. The first step was to END the affair!!! He said he couldn't find the words to do it, so I wrote an eloquent "break up letter" and he sent it. In the months that followed I believe he has not had contact with her. Trickle truth continued to stream for over a year, and a much more involved and ugly story came to light. One of the things that really bugs me is that he let me write "my wife knows everything" and that was not true! There were many lies yet to unfold! Now, I feel like a bigger fool, but I am also left wondering if I even know everything NOW. I have asked him to write a letter NOW. Not that we would send it to her... but hopefully now that he is out of the fog - he could find the words he should have been able to say back then. I am long past demanding actions, or giving directives. I have also lost the passion to fiercely fight. I am grateful we are together, and grateful we have made progress, but my heart is still weighed down by heavy stones that I don't have hope will ever truly go away.

It is wildly painful, as a

It is wildly painful, as a betrayed, that AR seems to offer little chance for us to have a voice in ending the affair. We didn't start the affair, we didn't support it, but we bear the brunt of the pain and are not allowed any voice in ending it. It is disappointing that AR doesn't overtly support betrayed spouses in getting to end the affair. It would go a long way in helping us feel like we were once apart of a married team.

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas