Q&A What if I Need to go Through All the Material I Collected from My Mate's Infidelity?

You helpfully advised on evidence I collected on D-day (financial, emails, etc.). I proposed reviewing it with my husband (about five years' worth). You thought that might not be productive and that he should disclose using the EMS framework, instead. You also suggested I think about moving past that information to heal and prevent intrusive thoughts. Could you please clarify? EMS materials say some people need tons of information, like assembling a 2,000-piece puzzle. How do I reconcile being a person who needs the information with your suggestion that we not go through the records? I know it will be painful for both of us and that I may have some additional trauma to recover from after doing so, but don't I get to decide whether that's how I want to heal? My husband's sex/love addiction also causes him to see the past in a different way from reality. For example, he sincerely told me he thought he might have spent $x on the affairs, but I had tallied some of it up, and it was more like ten times that amount. He was shocked. If I leave the disclosure completely to him and his memory (either his actual or desired memory), it may not bear a resemblance to the reality of what happened. I really feel like i need to know what I'm dealing with -- hence the strong desire to go through that information. But perhaps you can help reconcile these approaches, which seem to be at odds.