Q&A Why Do the Betrayed Have to Be a Part of the Unfaithful’s Detox?

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Question: 

"Am I Who They Want" (Sarah's story) and it really hit home with me. I'm the betrayed spouse. I understand, as with any type of relationship that ends, the unfaithful spouse needs to get over their feelings for their AP. I'm experiencing something similar and I wish I wouldn't have tried to begin reconciling with my husband until after he had sufficient time to get over his other relationship. Initially I suggested that he take 6 months to one year to be by himself to adjust but he insisted he didn't have any more feelings for his AP which I knew was impossible. I read that for the betrayed to understand what the unfaithful is going through during the detox process increases intimacy. I couldn't disagree more. I wish he had taken my advice because emotionally I just can't deal with watching this anymore. He also still works with the AP and we have had several setbacks because he can't completely cut off contact with her. After all the anguish that the betrayed has had to endure do they really have to observe and be a part of their unfaithful spouse going through that detox process? His affair lasted about 1 year, D-day was 10/16 and recovery began 01/17.

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