Q&A Is it Possible that my Mate has no Feelings for the AP Anymore?

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I found out about my husband's affair by reading a text from his AP. I asked him to sit down and speak with me and I showed him the text. I told him I needed the truth and he began to trickle out parts of it. He greatly minimized the story and it took about 6 months to put the bigger pieces together. On D-Day, he told me he was relieved that this was now over and he immediately showed remorse. The next day he called his AP and told her it was over and that she was not to contact him as I would be checking his texts and emails.

My husband was in the affair for 4 years and has admitted that he and his AP professed their love for each other. Once D-Day hit he stopped all contact (to the best of my knowledge) and tried to survive the trauma that was unfolding before him. It's now over a year and I'm still trying to get him to speak of his feelings when his long term affair was shut down so quickly. He said he had no desire to contact her nor did he think about her. He maintains that the only time he thinks about her is when I raise the subject.

I have a difficult time believing this and many articles in the recovery library would indicate that turning off the feelings that quickly is highly unlikely. Do you think it's possible for him to shut down the feelings and the fantasy like a flip of a switch? He maintains when your life flashes before your eyes and you see what you are about to lose, it's like a pail of cold water over your head. He's says it was pretty easy to put all of his focus on us as we were in survival mode. I just don't think he's being truthful about his desire to contact her (in the early months) or his thoughts about her even today. He says he is completely neutral towards her. He doesn't wish her harm nor does he think about her or how she's doing. He says she represents all that went wrong with him so there's nothing pleasant about thinking about her.



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