Q&A Why Do Wayward Spouses Want to Stay in the Marriage?

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Question: 

My husband had a physical and emotional affair with a coworker. Our first D-Day was incredibly traumatic for me. I saw him leaving her apartment. That image never seems to leave my mind. After initial discovery, my husband swore he was fighting for our marriage. I asked my husband to please leave me if he found himself contacting her again. I told him another discovery would kill me. Within a month of initial discovery, he began communicating with the affair partner again which turned physical very quickly. I found out that they were continuing the affair. My already broken heart was completely shattered. He quit his job on the spot and broke things off with her on the phone in front of me. He swears he's safe now and is fighting for our marriage, which I heard before when he was still betraying me. I can’t believe that he could do this to me again so quickly after initial discovery especially seeing the pain I was in. What bothers me is I gave him an out. It would have hurt for him to leave, but not as much as discovering I was still being deceived and betrayed. Because I can’t believe what he says, I question his motive for wanting to stay in our marriage. Why do wayward spouses want to stay in the marriage? Is it comfort? Is it fear of the unknown? Is it safety? I have a hard time believing they stay because of love.

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