Rick Reynolds, LCSW
by Rick Reynolds, LCSW
Founder & President, Affair Recovery

Do You Know the Truth?

What’s the truth? How do you know what’s real? What do we want to believe? Confusion and disorientation are synonyms for infidelity. Finding the “truth” is the primary means of regaining a sense of reality, but how do we do that?  See if you can find the truth in this situation…In 1977, I set out on my motorcycle in search of adventure. A good friend joined in and off we went. The goal was to make a two week trip traveling from Lubbock, TX, to Los Angeles, then up US 101 to Portlan…
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I understand your point, but

I understand your point, but given this woman's history I can also understand how confused the husband was and that he felt it necessary to check her story out.  Trust takes time to rebuild.

thanks for the devine

thanks for the devine intervention.  perspective is choice and free will working miracles in my life every day.

Rick, Thanks.  This gives a

Rick,

Thanks.  This gives a great perspective.

Perception

Well, yes, there is some truth in we get to choose which to "hope" to believe.  But choices can become real tough when faced with a deceptive person.  Which side of them do we believe?  The person we "thought" we knew, therefore trusted and shared our life with...the liar and cheat...which we have now clearly viewed or what they say now?  I'm not sure how to ever believe anyone who would do something they know with no doubt would hurt me, then lie to me, then actively deceive me...day after day....with no remorse for the destruction of my life, and then say they are "now" capable of any care for me...or for the truth?    I find it hard to believe a person who has the capability to that can ever be trusted in any way.  I think that after being deceived and betrayed by a person, one is quite unsure about whether or not is even beneficial  for us in any way to even try and "choose" to believe a person who is capable of that kind of action? 

I think therein lies the problem.  I chose to believe my mate at the onset...to offer belief and trust..and was intentionally deceived, my emotions manipulated without regard by that person.  Used for whatever was being gained by my presence, and deceived into giving my time, my energy, my resources, and my life.  Because they needed an extra little thrill...and that warrants all of that?  And I felt quite the fool for believing in them too when I found what was really done, or at least some little part of what was done. And how I was used and manipulated for their benefit alone.   So, to  feel right about going out on a limb and "trying" to believe that this same person even has the ability or regard for anyone at all enough to tell the truth...is almost impossible.  Seems like blind faith to me at that point...in what I'm not sure?  Maybe you know the answer to that.  I don't at this point. 

I also find it hard to believe that the gents daughter would even ponder the possibility that he believe her mother, an obvious liar, or her brother, who is aligned with her, or the AP.  And, if my daughter were to make such a suggestion to me, I might well feel very uncomfortable with her at that point too, feeling that she was insensitive to what really happened to my trust and my life because of my spouse.  I think that is thoughtless and insensitive to the realities. 

Other prespectives?  Your belief in her ability to tell the truth has no bearing on you really.  You aren't basing the remainder of your life on the trustworthiness of that lady..but he is.  He has already lost a goodly part of his security, his faith and ability to trust, his faith in his own ability to discern a liar, via her manipulations.  He has lost much by trusting her already.  And, he has much to lose by trusting her again too. 

Faith in God, is always warranted, He isn't a betrayer. And has never been a betrayer.   And, faith in Him...has no bearing on faith or trust in another person.  In fact, I think there is also scripture that indicates not leaning on man as he will fail.    

I don't know what the answer is when facing life with a deceiver.  Where any faith is warranted.  Where any trust is warranted.  `I wonder if I will ever be able to even trust myself again...much less my mate.  Where was my intuition?  How blind was I to the truth?  And how blind might I still be now, particularly with the same person?  Perception?  Or facts?

 

 

perspective

The interesting thing about perspective is the unique viewpoint of the person that has, for example, been the one strung out by an unfaithful partner. For example,  are the circumstances to be judged based on a stupid one- time drunken episode out of town, or are they based on life long emotional difficulties, or a deceptive tendancy that brews in the heart of the unfaithful spouse.  Only the betrayed spouse can make the hard decision about the course of their own life.  They alone must try to have a wise perspective, because so many episodes, conversations, arguments, and disappointments are usually only in the recesses of that spouses mind to replay.  Full perspective has to make itself replay hard truth, not just a glossy version of forgiveness plus fantasy!  Miracles do happen in people, but not in all!  I believe that is why divorce was given as an option for physical immorality and adultery.  Why, would that choice be given if the highest and best is always just to stay together no matter what?  I have to believe that every individual has  a right to a the best shot at being who they were meant to be for God, without the torment of a spouse that will not come clean, tell the truth and  really wants to change.  Freedom of the soul means something...even if it is alone with your God!

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