Rick's Q & A Call on July 8

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Healing

HI Rick, Do all affairs regardless of what type of affair it is follow approximately the same time line for healing? About a year ago I learned of my husband's infidelities that occured before and during our six year marriage. We have been seeing a therapist for the last year and have made great progress. I know without that help we wouldn't have stood a chance. Understanding the how and why seem to play a huge role in my ability to "let things go" if you will. We have discussed many many things that "allowed" him to do what he did. I read many of your articles and at some intellectual level for some period of time it seems to make a bit of sense to me. Even reading the stories of others helps tremendously because there are these main themes that seem to always repeat themselves. One thing I truly believe in my case is that this really had nothing to do with me, but it still feels so deeply personal. I then go back to feeling deeply hurt wondering how someone can actually do these things and it seems to make no sense. My understading of love, marriage, forgiveness, family and so on were never anything like this. I asked "why" for the longest time and finally after reading one of your articles realized that there would never be an answer that would take away my pain or shame. The ability to "wrap my brain around it" is frustrating me. What can I do at this point to continue to help my understanding of the situation? What types of things are beneficial for my husband and I to continue to talk about that will help shed some light? How or when does the back and forth stop? My heart tells me one thing and my head tells me another. I'm hoping over time I won't be so back and forth because it is very exhausting. I would also like to know if at some point I will no longer have trouble with anxiety. Prior to this situation I did not suffer at all with any type of anxiety but now there seems to be residual effects of anxiety from the earlier months of recovery. I will wake up some days with a very anxious stomach and can't seem to relax or it will happen later in the day at some point and I still can't shake it. It then causes me to start a downward spiral and I feel very unsure and a little paranoid. It doesn't happen every day, but I am wondering if I will ever return to a life without anxiety? Thank you once again for your time and all of the help you provide to so many people.

What type of affair was it?

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